The change
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Mt 5, 13-18
Years ago when I read those verses on a power point during my classes from American literature in college, at that time, I did not understand why are they such an important beacon of American cultural heritage and how they project on their cultural products, such as movies, books, arts and the most interesting to me, foreign policy creation. Why would anyone wanted to be the light of the world, especially in such a difficult world, a world full of evil? Is it just a first class act to be misused for whatever selfish goal one has? Well I guess it all depends on which beacon of light you are staring at.
Most of the time we refuse to accept the fact that what we do can influence others and leave a mark on them. The impression we leave and value we believe to have can be very misleading. The reason we behave in that manner is so we would not have to take responsibility for our actions simply because good and kindness are rarities and maintainig the chart of good deeds is almost impossible.
How come it is so difficult for some people, and by that I mean most people to be good and do good in spite of the evil ones? Is everyday kindness a matter of upbringing or just a good act? Those and many other questions were just a tip of the iceberg about culture, raising and tradition I asked myself on my holiday in New York.
Most of the people whom I’ve considered well travelled and intelligent had prejudice about Americans. Nonetheless teh prejudice were of such shallowness that I thought noone with a college degree should pronounce them or let alone believe them. All of them considered my trip a waste of money while they preferred to spend theirs in another dirty third world country. Well, I guess to each his own and rightfully so I might add.
Yes, I am fully aware that New York does not represent the entire USA, however it must represent a great deal of it and I refuse to settle for anything else. During my stay I questioned my own raising and culture which left me feeling ashamed. Why? Simply because.
American spontaneity and simplicity, kindness and warmth regardless of the day that’s behind them are social evolution of culture and raising which completely caught me off guard, leaving me with a rush for need to be there for everyone without reservations.
Regardless of having read how the smell of the streets will make you feel nauseous, especially during summer when it is unbearable, pollution, changeable weather, holes in the ozone layer and crime lurking around every corner I did not want to feed my anxiety and postpone the trip for the time when I will be married or when I am more financially secured to travel across the ocean.
What is New York really like? Impressive. Expensive. Loud. Peaceful. Meaningful. Heartbreaking. Rain, snow, flood, dry weather, heat wave. All of those I would rather spend there than anywhere else because even the worst day of life in New York is better than the best day of your life anywhere else. All the movies about it are not even a servant to its beauty. Every photo I took trying to take home a piece of that beauty is not even as nearly as beautiful as it is live. The tall buildings, incredibly tall, clean streets, people doing their job professionally, peacefully, spontaneous and open in communication, made me feel ashamed. Am I mostly light or do I bring the dark? Why am I not as patient with others, especially on a bad day? I consider myself well brought, however, in my most professional moment I feel I am miles away from such kindness and professionalism. I honestly believe that any other city will never amaze as much as New York.
When I was a teenage girl I thought my dancing would become my profession. Before I started to dance I had a vision of which dance I wanted to learn. Sort of contemporary, jazzy, Broadway-like, free. One day I ran into Alvin Ailey Theatre dance pages. The short videos of Revelations I and II, mesmerized me and every moment I daydreamed those were the scenes I envisioned myself in. Watching their shows or dancing in their studio was something I thought I could only dream about. Long after my dancing days became a lovely memory of my hobby, because I just wasn’t good enough to pursue that dream but the love remained, while planning my trip I realized, that since their headquarters is New York, maybe I could visit the Centre. They suggested that instead of just having a tour of the building I join them for a dance class. Easy does it! No worries, as they say. The the Alvin Ailey center as well as in all the other dancing studios in New York, your are accompanied by live music, so it actually feels like you are performing. It’s superfluous to say that the class was amazing. Not only did I have fun I also remembered what it was like to be a teen again. The only thing I foresaw was the fact that between that very moment and my active dancing days were decades of not dancing. Therefore singing up for an advanced Horton class was way out of my league. Luckily feeling inadequate for the task is not something that will be validated because I was encouraged to try my best the whole time and was not looked down upon by the other dancers nor the choreographer. Some dancers who were at the same class have or will be auditioning for Broadway which made me feel like I was way in over my head, because whoever performs on Broadway truly is the best of the best and that is not marketing. Lesson learned, have fun, work hard, don’t envy others, encourage.
Getting a ticket for a Broadway show was a lot of work me, because I only had the time to see just one. Basically, every choice felt like Sophia’s choice and I stand by it. Broadway, Off- Broadway, Off-Off-Broadway, all of it is equally great, because all of the performers are brutally talented. Walking on Broadway observing the masses of people with sign posts on which they are begging to buy tickets for any show, the performers handing out flyers dressed in costumes, promoters advising you which show would suit you most based on your price range and travel itinerary, homeless people sleeping on mattresses all around, Bible preachers on the streets, the noise, the excitement. After the starting enthusiasm that I got the tickets for the King Kong, which is all the rage for this year (2019.) upon entering the small theater I felt an instant regret because it’s a puppet show (the King Kong being a giant puppet and all). When that same puppet was roaring and reaching it’s giant arms towards the audience I had to remind myself it wasn’t alive. The singer singing wonderfully without a microphone, while dancing Horton, jazzy, choreography. No I am not nor will I ever be objective with this. I spent my childhood watching old Hollywood musicals and I am fascinated by them. Besides I love the theatre! In my life I’ve seen performances, great dancers, great singers, decent actors. Nonetheless upon having seen a Broadway show, a semi-puppet show, I felt as though I’ve never seen any show in my life nor ever heard a singer live! It was the most amazing show I have ever seen! Walking on Broadway all I could see were like minded tourists, giving standing ovations, leaving the theatres in awe. It was official. New York was not everything I dreamed of. It was so much more than I could have imagined. Lesson learned. Never, ever, underestimate.
When it comes to communication, people in my country are very opinionated and usually fueled with negativity and cynicism, myself included. The reason I am stressing this is because I was really comfortable with that way of communication until then. My system was shaken to the core because it was met with the spontaneity and optimism in every possible situation when talking to the New Yorkers. Are they really living the dream in the city that never sleeps? Yes and no. Mostly no. If you are poor and one pay check away from being homeless you cannot live your dream in New York. That is a fact as it is a fact anywhere else in the world. However not acknowledging defeat and not allow the negativity to kill you and destroy your life is what heroes are made of, or as my former professor of American literature would say “I like to think of myself as an affirmative rather than a subversive character”. Having that in mind I can honestly say that meeting American culture has changed me for life and if I have not been so far at least a dream was instilled in my heart and the yearning to fulfill it, and that is being or trying to become an affirmative character in life myself.
The optimism, grandiose architecture, buildings that made me feel dizzy every time I looked up, Lady Liberty, Museum of Immigration, Top of the Empire State, Macy’s, 9/11 Memorial Centre, the inevitable discount shopping (real discount) made me get a glimpse of why Americans are so proud to be Americans. And of course, made me want to be one of them as well, like becoming a member of an exclusive club. Still, well aware that every club has its problems. The scene I will always remember is how a police officer gave me his metro card with a smile, like it was nothing, when mine stopped working, how a police officer danced and sang and pleasantly chatted with the passengers. I will remember that one police officer who, when he heard I come from Croatia, asked me about our famous grappa with a quirky smile and warm look. Who also invited me and my friend for a cake because his precinct was celebrating anniversary. Lesson learned. Choose kindness because you just might change somebody’s life without even knowing it.
I cannot post this without giving a lot of credit to the beauty of the American beaches. I love sandy beaches. That is a lie. The only beaches I acknowledge are sandy beaches. Not only I fell in love with the fact that New York really has it all including amazing beaches, the underwater area is clean and you do now have to watch your step when entering the water and taking a swim. Also the first smell that captured me upon landing on JFK was not the smell of trash on the streets, but the smell of the sea. Yes, if I was dying, I would buy one way ticket to New York and never looked back.
Upon landing back to Croatia I read how one woman was raped in the middle of the day in the same neighbourhood in Manhattan I was staying in and how the crime has risen in New York and how all the New Yorkers are wondering when will mayor Bill de Blasio do something about it. Yes, terrible things happen anywhere. But did I see that on their faces? No. Has that prevented the people to approach me and ask whether they could help me because I seemed lost? No. Did the salesperson yell at me or rolled his eyes at me after I accidentally knocked down the entire isle of bottled water? No. He said “Oh, no worries. Just leave it. It’s fine.” Or did that lady I fell on in the subway pushed me away with swear words? No, she asked me worriedly whether I was alright. Why was is so easy for me to be negative and to them so naturally easy to be polite? Lesson learned. I needed to change for the better.
The best cultural diplomacy a country can have are its people. Politicians and corruption may always be what they are and were, bullshit, but people are the heart of everything. Seeing this written black in white terrifies me because I am not a people person. In fact, I have taken great pride in explicitly stating many many times how I passionately hate people. Never have I ever been so ashamed of that statement as I have in New York.
I guess that is why I love travelling. It really enriches you, rebuilds you, forces you to grow and acknowledge the fact that you have to change.